"Am I Enough?"

                                                              Habakkuk 3:17-18
                                              Though the fig tree may not blossom,
                                                         Nor fruit be on the vines;
                                              Though the labor of the olive may fail,
                                                       And the fields yield no food;
                                         Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
                                               And there be no herd in the stalls ---
                                                  Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
                                              I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Sitting on my basement floor painting a rocking chair for my grandson, tears ran down my face that would not stop. "Why Lord? I don't understand. Why don't you do something about this heartache that never seems to go away?" Battling feelings of betrayal and confusion, nothing seemed to make sense. Didn't we do all we could to prevent this heartache? Was there no reward for walking close to the Lord, leaning on Him for every decision? "God, where are you? Do You care that I am hurting?"

It wasn't spoken words I heard, ones that others would hear had they been in the room. It was more like an inner voice, deep in my soul; "Cyndy, am I enough for you? If all else falls away and you are left with only Me, am I enough?"
               
How I wanted to shout , "Yes Lord! You know You are!" But, before I could speak I knew I couldn't say yes. And at that moment I knew this wasn't about the heartache we were facing, although it was very real. It wasn't about unanswered prayers. This wasn't even about Satan having havoc with my life. It was all about my coming face to face with the truth that I expected the Lord to hear my prayers and come to my rescue, taking away the heartache. It was about my realizing that I found joy in my salvation, and peace that passes all understanding, only when all was well in my life.

This is not what Jesus wants for His children. He wants us to know He is enough even when life is not peaceful and all is well. He wants us to want Him and Him alone. From the words of John Piper, "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him."

Am I satisfied in Him? Is He enough? Oh, Lord, may I shout "Yes!" and know that it is true!

                                                Though the fig tree may not blossom,
                                                        Nor fruit be on the vines,
                                                   Yet I will rejoice in the LORD
                                               I will joy in the God of my salvation.